You know that feeling you get when you walk into an employed person’s home and realize furniture comes in other colors besides birch and doesn’t require being pieced together with stripped pegs and allen wrenches? It’s called envy, and the unemployed dream of a day when their belongings aren’t just a bunch of random IKEA pieces [...]
Continue reading about #152 Being Embarrassed About Their IKEA Furniture
There are times, specifically towards the end of a billing cycle, when unemployed people around the world are just universally impossible to reach. No, they haven’t died, nor have they lost their phones, they’ve just stopped answering them because they’re almost out of minutes and would rather ignore a call and innocently text back going, [...]
Continue reading about #141 Rationing Their Cell Phone Minutes
Everybody’s got that moment in a darkened movie theater when they see a trailer and before they can turn to a friend to say, “That looks good,” the whole audience is laughing, booing, and giving big thumbs down. Still, despite the potential idiocy, the rotten tomatoes, and scathing reviews, deep down there is still some [...]
Continue reading about #134 Watching Embarrassing Movies During Odd Hours for Privacy
If there had to be one definitive word for unemployed people, it would probably be patient (read: apathetic). Unless they’re desperately awaiting their next unemployment check the unemployed usually don’t have anything pressing that requires their immediate attention. While they might cut themselves some slack by ending their pretend job search due to a lack [...]
Continue reading about #124 Letting Something Grow for Way Longer Than Appropriate
Don’t act like you’ve never been tempted to steal an olive or some other drink garnish for yourself while waiting for a drink at a bar. The delightful fruits and vegetables all gathered in their own separate containers are just too tempting to resist sometimes. For example, there’s always a guy who’s ordering scotch, neat, [...]
Continue reading about #109 Treating Drink Garnishes as an All-You-Can-Eat Salad Bar
Ever have one of those days when a dirty clothes pile has gotten out of control and then realized when folding laundry that comfort clothes suitable for tasks ranging from sleeping to painting to hard labor outnumber regular clothing 5 to 1? Out of embarrassment and/or shame, the jobless will head straight to their closet [...]
Continue reading about #99 Attending Clothes Swapping Parties With Sub-par Offerings
Netflix offers its members something beautiful – the opportunity to numb the brain one movie at a time all without having to make a trip to the video store. Not having to assemble an outdoors version of an unemployment suit because they can receive and return their videos via the mail, or instantly watch streaming [...]
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