For every meaningful or useful task completed by an unemployed person, there are dozens of tasks left behind to be ignored for weeks at a time. The reason behind this is every time an unemployed person accomplishes something, an angel gets its wings but an employed person also gets laid off. So while it might [...]
You know, “in this economy”, it’s probably not the best time for the unemployed to start popping out kids. Sure, this is the one time they have all the time in the world to make sure their kids are brought up properly (i.e. stuck in front of the TV while unemployment naps are taken), but [...]
For the most part unemployed people are fundamentally opposed to updating their resume. It’s the one thing that’s constantly in the back of their minds (besides scrubbing out the disgustingly embarrassing toilet) that they just don’t want to do. The resume is universally dreaded because, seriously, for lack of better words, it’s absolutely dreadful. Who [...]
One noticeable trend from this “economic downturn” is the birth of Recession Environmentalists that has resulted in a sudden boom in “green” activity. It’s kind of like the whole saving of scrap metal for World War II, but instead of helping the country, people are helping themselves. All under the guise of preserving the environment. [...]
Continue reading about #56 Going Green “For the Environment”
If Lance Armstrong is allowed to come out of retirement and promptly break his collarbone, there’s no reason unemployed people can’t also declare themselves retired to avoid going back to work after the recession is “over” only to be promptly laid off again. Consider it a defense mechanism or just a snarky response to questions [...]
Continue reading about #47 Declaring Themselves to be Retired
After weeks of making excuses to drink alone, there’s nothing better than spicing up a morning alcoholic beverage by inviting freshly laid off friends over to play drinking games. Instead of playing the usual “Never Have I Ever” types of games that were overdone in college, the unemployed can try making up games that represent their [...]
Continue reading about #38 Making Up Recession Drinking Games
Like it or not, Scientologists are likely to gain the upper hand “in this economy.” With so many unemployed people loitering about in public, unable to figure out what to do with their time, the Church of Scientology is telling itself “Haha! Good thing we’ve set up home base everywhere!”
The unemployed have probably largely ignored [...]
Continue reading about #37 Taking the Scientology Stress Test Because It’s Free
Public libraries are great because they’re always free and they open their doors to everyone. Chances are most people haven’t visited their local library since high school, or since they’ve racked up ridiculous fines they were hoping would get purged by inactivity. Since then, libraries have updated their catalogues to computer systems, offer free internet [...]
Unemployed people aren’t the only ones guilty of overusing the phrase “in this economy” or others such as “in these difficult economic times” and “during this global economic downturn.” Rich politicians will abuse the phrases to sound like they’re one with the people. Fearfully employed people will use them when fretting about losing their jobs. [...]
Continue reading about #20 Overusing the Phrase “In This Economy”
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