road-rage-caused-by-unemployed-driversHas being on the road these days ever made you think you were part of some larger conspiracy? One that made you feel slightly crazier than normal, and just that much more prone to road rage? Have you experienced being on the freeway in the middle of the day when it’s nowhere near rush hour but you find yourself unable to get anywhere because you’re boxed in by a bunch of cars going no more than 65 mph? Has every stop sign become a nightmare because you find yourself slamming on the breaks when the car in front of you makes a full and complete stop when you expected them to slowly roll through it? Do yellow lights no longer mean “go faster” now that the car in front of you interprets them as “slow down even though you know this light will stay yellow for the next ten seconds” and keeps you from crossing the intersection? You are not alone.

With camera flashes blinding folks as they run red lights, signs that remind lone drivers how much carpool violations cost, and cash-strapped counties setting up sting operations to check if people stop for pedestrians, there is no room for the unemployed to be racking up traffic tickets for any offenses, no matter how minor. As if it weren’t bad enough to be stripped of their jobs, the unemployed have found themselves unable to enjoy the simple things in life such as driving like they own the road, mouthing off to cops that give them tickets, and begrudgingly paying for fines that have increased tenfold due to lack of payment. Now they’re just left driving in paranoia, unable to remember what a dotted and solid line mean in conjunction, whether a yellow speed limit sign has to be followed, and if it’s acceptable to give that obnoxious hipster riding around on a unicycle a gentle “love tap” with the car.

All of the uncertainty culminates in the unemployed driving at or below the speed limit, constantly braking because they don’t know what to do, blinding people with their headlights during the day because they don’t want to risk forgetting to turn them on at night, and just generally inciting rage in those forced to be in the same car or same street as them. Unemployed drivers are usually easy to spot: they’re the ones doing something stupid on the road wearing an unemployment suit, back seat driving while doling out little pearls of criticism from the DMV Handbook, and drawing glares from everyone around them. If you happen to see an unemployed driver, do them and everyone else a favor, honk incessantly, shout excessively, and throw a packet of bus tickets at them. Do whatever it takes to get them off the road until this whole recession thing blows over and they can stop driving around like uptight grannies.

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8 Responses to “#149 Obeying All Traffic Laws to Avoid Fines”

  1. Spicoli says:

    Unemployed or not, the traffic fees have become outrageous, at least here in Cali(phonia). It’s ridiculous – literally “highway robbery”!!! I’m currently fighting a rolling on red camera ticket coming in at a staggering $446 + $50 (for the right to attend traffic school) + another $30-$50 per traffic school. Unfreakingreal!!

  2. Jacob says:

    I ran a stop sign by accident last november in a desolate area, and was fined over $900 for being uninsured, plus the actual fine for running the stop sign. So I go get some insurance to not pay the fine, and had to reschedule my court date (they fined me $12 for that).

    So I get it reduced to $150, and 16 hours of community service which I have yet to do. Also, the DMV suspended my license after this whole debacle; I had to pay them $60 just to get a temp license for 3 months, and pay my insurance co. an extra $10 for some reason as well.

    Land of the free, indeed.

  3. Sam I Am says:

    I drive the same way unemployed as I did when I was employed :) I don’t know what that means…Recently, I got a ticket for parking in a reserved spot at BART. I contested the ticket, stating that I was unemployed and that “there was no possible way I could afford the ticket.” That seemed to work. :)

  4. Jason says:

    Think yourselfs lucky, here in the UK we have to pay a congestion charge just to enter our capital city of London, plus we have fixed speed cameras on what seems like every one mile of road.

  5. Too funny! And too true! Tickets here are so high. The hardest thing here is to avoid school zones; they are everywhere.

    Of course, if you have no money, there’s no where to go, and no money for gas, so staying at home helps to avoid tickets! It’s the few times I leave the house, and I do watch!

  6. one of them says:


  7. nojob says:

    On my way to a second interview, a cop pulled up next to me
    @ a red light, but I didn’t look @ him cause I didn’t think there
    was a problem. He jumped into the intersection & blocked
    traffic, directed me to make my turn & put lights on me as
    soon as I did. He claimed I did 45 in a 25 zone about .5 or .7
    miles back. He showed me a big fat 45 in his radar gun. I was not
    in a hurry as the place I was going was 15 minutes from my house
    & I left 30 minutes prior. I still paid the ticket
    & traffic school so I could get on w/ my life. Didn’t get
    the dang job as I was probably 30 seconds or a minute

  8. Spoonman82 says:

    I was out of work for a while after being ill for a period. I come from real hill county Co. Cavan in Ireland where the roads atrocious and the speed limits are bizarre.
    The route I travelled was 12 miles of hair pins and blind corners between the 2 small towns I was commuting. The speed limit 100kph (60mph for my American cousins) up until the 1 & 1/2 before the town where the road straightens out. I was happily travelling along at about 80 kph when I saw a Guard (Police Officer) with his fancy ray gun as I came over the crest of the hill.
    I thought Great you’re not going to get me today Ye Fecker (Irish colloquialism) but as I approached him he waved me down .
    He looked fairly pissed. I asked him “What was the problem”. To which he replied “Do you were travelling at 85 in a 60kph zone”.
    I was stunned. He was waiting for me to say something. I really didn’t understand what was going on. maybe they a started a new policy of making up new speed limits depending on how they felt that morning.
    I told him “I saw no speed limit signs”. He pointed his finger to top of the hill. I still didn’t see what he was going on about. Anyway I let it go and to the penalty point as well the fine. I wasn’t in a fit state for arguing.
    The next day I went up to see where the offending speed signs were and sure enough they were there, bent over in half after a previous collision, covered in green moss and overgrown with tree foliage.
    You can’t win sometimes

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