#138 Pampering Themselves

Unemployment is rough. Though at times it may seem like it’s all fun and games, taking money from the government to supplement a lifestyle of lounging, traveling, and doing whatever makes the employed feel jealous can be hard on the mind, body, and spirit. Whenever the unemployed start feeling like their paid vacation is starting to make the world close in on them, they will do whatever it takes to find balance in their lives again. After hearing about how their employed friends escape stress, the unemployed begin to feel that they too deserve to pamper themselves to lessen the burden of having the best time ever, courtesy of the government.

When gloriously sleeping in, watching marathon TV all day, and pretending to care about unemployment percentage rates gets to be too much to handle, unemployed people around the world think to themselves, “You know what I really need to do to get myself out of this funk? Put a rock on my head.” Before long, the unemployed are investigating ways they can alleviate the stress they don’t really have. Instead of putting away the video games that have caused repetitive stress injuries, the unemployed decide a massage is necessary to cure the tension having no job has caused. Rather than washing their face regularly to prevent acne breakouts, the jobless treat themselves to expensive facials that are needed to combat the skin damage the unemployed blame on hours in front of the computer monitor, pretending to look for a job. Whether it’s a spa weekend, a meditation retreat, or an undeserved breakfast-in-bed made by an employed significant other, the unemployed can be very creative in their explanations for justifying why they deserve to pamper themselves, including the favorite excuse: Obama would want me to do this.