#127 Pretending to be a Student to Get Discounts

Long before the recession hit there were plenty of “young professionals” who had no qualms about using their old student ID cards for discount prices for anything ranging from movies, to Broadway shows, to Apple computers. These people were overconfident about their youthful appearances, felt a sense of entitlement, and were quick to defend their frugality by claiming as long as they still had student loans, they didn’t feel bad about getting student discounts. Now that saving a few bucks here and there can add up to copious packets of ramen, the unemployed have desperately joined the ranks of those pretending to still be a student in order to get discounts.

Of course, to take advantage of most student discounts, one is usually required to present a physical student ID card proving they are indeed students. So one of the first things the unemployed must do is rifle through all their earthly possessions in search of that college ID card that was taken when they were still babyfaced and at least 20 pounds lighter. One of the saving graces is IDs that old tend to be faded enough so that whoever is checking the student ID can’t be like, “Dude, this card is way outdated - did you go to college in the 80s?” But as long as the student ID card isn’t dated, the kiss of death for any would-be student discount swindler, the unemployed can argue long and hard until the box office or cashier relents and gives them a discounted price.

Because getting a discounted student price is so satisfying, even if the difference is a mere $0.50, this is enough for the unemployed to choose between going to see a movie at one theater chain versus another, even if the place is far and the times are inconvenient. If the unemployed don’t happen to have a student ID card, it won’t stop them from doing whatever it takes ranging from presenting an obviously fake student card, to using someone else’s ID, to stealing their grandchild’s college ID even though at that point they might as well go for the senior citizens discount. The ultimate sign that an unemployed person is truly dedicated to the art of getting a student discount is when they go as far as actually enrolling in their local junior college and canceling their classes after their new student ID card has been made and before it’s too late to get a full refund of their tuition. They can do all this without even having to declare they’ve enrolled in any classes that would cause the government to either cease or deduct from their unemployment funds. After all the trouble, the unemployed will hold onto their student ID card as if it’s near and dear and more precious than even their newly purchased and entirely useless smartphone.

Tags: scamming the system, stretching a dollar, student discounts, things to do when unemployed