#124 Letting Something Grow for Way Longer Than Appropriate

If there had to be one definitive word for unemployed people, it would probably be patient (read: apathetic). Unless they’re desperately awaiting their next unemployment check the unemployed usually don’t have anything pressing that requires their immediate attention. While they might cut themselves some slack by ending their pretend job search due to a lack of job openings, there are some things the unemployed take too far in terms of letting things slide.

For the unemployed, there’s a fine line between patience, apathy, or laziness. Either that, or they either have an unusually high tolerance for crap or newly lowered standards. Whatever the cause of it is, after the initial moments of panic and oddly placed motivation after being laid off wear off, the unemployed usually mellow out to the point where they just stop caring about their appearance, their surroundings, and their personal well being. And that’s when they begin morphing into disgusting creatures making people ask, “How did you let this get to this point?!” or “How do you live like this?!”

The unemployed are quick to defend their newfound lifestyles. If chastised for their hairy appearance, for example, they will say this is the first time since becoming a “young professional” that they’ve been able to relax without thinking about grooming themselves. So when you spot someone with a greasy almost ponytail, a unibrow, long nose hairs and ear hair that’s run wild, chances are he (or she!) is unemployed. Or the next time you go over to a jobless friend’s apartment and you find yourself screaming and dodging the thousands of hornets buzzing by the door because the hairy friend decided he wanted to discover the wonders of nature, you know he’s wandered towards the dark side. Even worse is when entering his place and finding a dust bunny the size of the Easter Bunny, because the unemployed have grown indifferent to cleaning and find it amusing to have a giant grey thing floating around every time they walk past. And don’t even dare to open the fridge unless you want to see their “leftover experiment” of food gone bad and moldy, because the unemployed were curious how big of a chunk of mold they could cultivate from the specimen. Where the unemployed really need to seek help is when they have a gaping cavity, an insanely scary looking, uneven mole, or a bump growing where bumps need not grow. Because not having health insurance isn’t a good excuse in those cases.

Tags: avoiding reality, letting yourself go, things to do when unemployed, unemployment shame