#104 Crashing Weddings That Have Open Bar

Though dressing up for work can be a total drag and make every unemployed person vow to never to wear anything with buttons or zippers again, there are certain occasions where putting on a dress or a suit can result in fun. Sure, it might be a hassle to shower so as not to sully the fancy clothing from the inside, but if the end goal is to get plastered, it can’t be that bad, right? Besides, at times even the unemployed have to admit that getting dressed up in their Sunday bests can be a welcome relief to ditch their usual unemployment suit attire. The occasion? Attempting to crash a wedding in order to take advantage of open bar to get drunk on someone else’s dime. 

Because crashing the wedding of an acquaintance or an old friend they might have had a falling out with would be super awkward for all parties involved, the unemployed have to do their due diligence when scoping out potential weddings to crash. Word of mouth tends to be a good way to get tips, but newspapers also serve as good sources. Generally the weddings to avoid would be the overtly religious ones and of course ones where the bride’s family is not obviously wealthy. In some cases it’d almost be preferable to attend a wedding with zero tolerance for alcohol than one where only a teaser glass of wine is served for the first toast before everything is cut off. Ethnic weddings might be hit or miss, but chances are if they stereotypically like to dance, alcohol will be served. If either the bride or groom are active in the military, the unemployed would be fools not to attend.

While the goal of crashing a wedding might obviously be to get their drink on with the chance of snagging some food here and there, there’s always the ultimate goal of hooking up with the second drunkest person at the wedding – provided it isn’t the soused up grandmother of the bride (unless that’s their thing but not all unemployed people are like that!). Again, military weddings are probably the best weddings to crash because service folk sure know how to party. Plus, it’d be a good opportunity to fulfill that dream of hooking up with with someone who used to be wearing a uniform.

Regardless of what the motive might be to be a wedding crasher, it’s very important for the unemployed to make sure they’re at least three of four drinks in before they’re caught and thrown out. The best way of doing so is to drink with the staff while everyone else is watching the couple exchange vows, move around constantly while drinking during the reception, enthusiastically grab someone else’s glass to clink for a toast during dinner before sandbagging it, and to stay completely out of way during the speeches, the dances, and the part where the bride and groom walk around thanking everyone for going to the wedding.

Tags: free stuff, open bar, things to do when unemployed, unemployment suit, wedding crashers