#88 Accepting Their Townie Fate

For all the people who look forward to having a paid vacation courtesy of the government, there are folk who futilely do whatever they can to avoid their worst nightmare: moving home with their parents. Eventually, as all signs point to getting evicted and losing everything, they have no choice but to resign themselves to accepting their fate of returning to their hometowns. There’s nothing like going back to where they were born and raised to join the ranks of townies that either couldn’t get away or couldn’t stay away!

To get an idea of why the freshly laid off are so hesitant to move back home (besides the obvious shame of having to move back home), think about returning home for breaks after experiencing college in the big city. After having the world at their fingertips, drinking excessively in dorm rooms, and partying with ultimate freedom at the expense of those who for some reason chose to live in college towns, life back home seems dull and void of life. There’s nothing sadder than realizing that outside of driving around aimlessly and paying tons of money to eat throughout the night, being back home is essentially like being in high school again. Unfortunately, returning home after turning 21 is even scarier. Not being able to drink legally in public venues acted as a sort of barrier between hometown bubble and the scary reality of the locals that were never seen growing up because they were too busy drinking themselves to death at the bars.

And just who do you think the unemployed are afraid of turning into? Their once bright futures dim the minute they set foot back home and start getting recognized by their former classmates whose glory days were all in high school. The thought of sleeping in their childhood bedrooms, having to tell their parents where they’re going at night, and downing beers with the hometown creeps can be depressing at best. However, there are some benefits of discovering the charm of hometown living with a townie perspective i.e. getting drunk at places they went to as children, like mini golf or the playpen at McDonald’s. Eventually as more high school friends bite the bullet and move back home or as friendships with true townies (those who never escaped) form over several beers, the unemployed look forward to venturing out for a night on the town, even going so far as to arrange special Townie Nights to celebrate having nothing to celebrate. If they think about it, it’s not that bad – they have nothing to worry about besides making sure their unemployment checks last. And boy do they last – townie drinking sure is cheaper than in the big city!

Tags: end of the world, moving back home, things to do when unemployed, townie life