#78 Fighting Off Brain Rot

To outsiders, some of the stuff unemployed people like, such as not showering regularly, losing track of time, or dreaming about winning the lottery, are clear signs the unemployed are losing their minds. While the unemployed will argue those are just regular signs of unemployment the jobless will readily own up to, it’s the are other “senior” moments that tend to scare them a bit. When they can’t remember what certain words mean, or they run into the jerk they worked with just prior to getting laid off and can’t recall his name, the unemployed wonder if their brains are slowly atrophying to the point of turning into mush. 

If they had normal brain activity going on, the unemployed would probably feel panic at the thought of slipping into unemployment brain rot mode, but by this point the brain no longer knows how to process fear. It does, however, respond to impulses, and the impulses tell the unemployed to get dressed, go to the store, and buy whatever they think might stimulate their brains. Usually, this entails spending way too much money on Sudoku books ranging from beginner to whatever level won’t frustrate the would-be puzzle solvers to the point of throwing their Japanese puzzle books. Sometimes they might buy the New York Times and attempt to finish the crossword puzzle. Or, convinced by commercials, the unemployed feel compelled to buy Brain Age to exercise their head muscles that have turned to mush. The only “problem” with buying a video game is having to buy the corresponding game console to play it. But, if dropping a couple hundred dollars on an impulse buy means saving one’s brain, the unemployed literally won’t think twice about it. 

One spent unemployment check and half a week later, the unemployed are back to their old habits with half-finished puzzles lying around and a Nintendo DS gathering dust. It’s not that the puzzles were too hard but maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to use a pen instead of a pencil. The issue that kept the unemployed from continuing to exercise the brain was that brain rot was just a perceived problem, not an actual one. After going through several puzzles, relearning a few words, and feeling insulted for having a brain age of 89, the unemployed realized their brain rot was entirely voluntary. Who wouldn’t want to forget words like “economic downturn”, “recession”, or “you’re unemployment is about to run out”? And wouldn’t the unemployed rather block out the jerk who got promoted shortly after their lay off than have to acknowledge their presence in public?

Tags: brain rot, crossword puzzle, game console, sudoku