#77 Having a Love/Hate Relationship with Laptops

Next to television, a laptop computer is any unemployed person’s favorite possession. In fact, a laptop could tie with the TV as the two most important things an unemployed person must have in order to survive unemployment. The relationship someone without a job can build with their laptop, in conjunction with a TV and a bed or couch, can be absolutely beautiful. Hours, days, and weeks just tend to fly by when the unemployed plant themselves in front of the computer and trash TV and forget about the world. 

After getting laid off, the last thing the unemployed probably want to do is be on a computer all day. However, the layoff madness hit in the dead of winter, and the laptops that were once issued for work but were kept for personal use when the unemployed’s former sinking ship of a company forgot to collect it were pulled out once again to serve as a personal heater. Bundled up on the couch in a Snuggie with convenient armholes for laptop usage, the unemployed rediscovered the useless world the non-firewalled internet has to offer, and became hooked to the comfort and warmth of the burning watts coursing into their chilly thighs. Through the harsh winter months the unemployed would occasionally set their open computers on their lap for heat even if they were doing something else like playing video games, just so they could hurriedly and guiltily shout, “I’m looking for a job!” when someone came through the front door. 

Months of unemployment later, the unemployed are getting annoyed with their laptops. They’re slow, they’re running out of hard drive space, and in some cases not knowing IT’s administrative password (and not being able to track down any laid off IT guys) prevents fun programs from being installed. Also, the unemployed know that the minute they wake up, they’ll reach for their laptop and waste an entire day. Not that they’re against killing time, as killing any time is a great thing, they’re just bored by the fact that they’ve seen everything on the internet and don’t want to spend another day desperately refreshing their favorite news sites. Plus the laptops that were once great in the winter are now leaving them a sweaty mess on their couch because they’re too poor for A/C and too human to put a scalding hot laptop on their laps without some sort of pillow or blanket barrier between them. But with carpel tunnel-laden wrists, the unemployed have no choice to trudge on and burn themselves in search of entertainment because the alternatives are too scary to think about.

Tags: killing time, laptop burns, Snuggie