#75 Losing Track of Time

Seriously, how is it already Friday? It seems like it was just Monday, when Monday seemed like a Thursday and it was a surprise to find out the next day was actually Tuesday, not Friday. Today, Friday actually feels like a Friday which is weird because a couple days ago it seemed like today would never come. Keeping track of time is way too hard when unemployed which is why losing track of time is far more favored. It takes relatively little effort to have no idea what day of the week it is, or what time of the day it is. As far as the unemployed are concerned, time doesn’t matter until funds run low, indicating it’s about time for another unemployment check to arrive in the mail. 

There are several reasons the unemployed never really have any idea what day it is. Most of it has to do with the fact that they have no real reason to keep a calendar anymore now that they don’t have a job. With no reason to set an alarm or keep track of events, unemployed people basically just do what they want whenever they want. Occasionally they’ll calendar things like Double Coupon Tuesday at the grocery store, but the day itself isn’t relevant so much as the chance to buy Twinkies for cheap. The jobless also tend to lose days when they start sleeping at odd hours, waking up and never quite knowing if the clock means AM or PM. Increasing alcohol consumption during unemployment also has a tendency to clear the mind of memories. When unemployed folk are quizzed Saturday (after finally waking up) and say they don’t remember going out Thursday night, getting super hammered and destroying property and relationships, it’s probably true. Time flies when you’re having fun and everyone with you just wants you to recognize you have a drinking problem. 

Occasionally the unemployed will get in trouble for completely checking out from reality – this tends to happen when, for example, they realize today is May 8th, and that taxes were due April 15th. Missed birthdays and anniversaries also come back to haunt the unemployed, when their loved ones yell, “How could you not know what day it is? You’re unemployed! Knowing what day it is is probably the easiest thing you can do!” This is completely untrue. Knowing what’s on syndicated television at any given time is something the unemployed are capable of doing, knowing what day the shows are broadcast is completely irrelevant until it’s Saturday and the unemployed yell in anger, “Hey! Why isn’t Tyra on! Also, what are YOU doing home, shouldn’t you be at work? Why are you looking at me like I’ve missed your birthday or something?” When the unemployed start forgetting about their own birthdays, that’s when it’s time for them to get one of those day-by-day calendars for their birthday, which will sit unripped until they’re bored enough to kill time by keeping track of it.

Tags: avoiding reality, killing time, losing track of time