#71 Pathetically Trying to Win Contests and Sweepstakes

Because taking free money from the government isn’t enough, the unemployed are constantly trolling the internet and radio for chances to win money and prizes. These desperate attempts to get something free were previously reserved for housewives or those prone to getting scammed (i.e. the elderly). However, now that there are so many bored and jobless frantically looking for something to do, something to fantasize about, and something to look forward to, more and more folk are turning to the countless giveaways offered with no purchase required.

It might start off harmless enough – a simple drive to the grocery store might allow one to learn about a radio giveaway, whether it be concert tickets or some sort of otherwise cheap but highly coveted price. All the entrant usually has to do is be caller ten (at the radio station’s complete discretion), and a pair of VIP tickets will be sent in the mail. When some 40-year-old man is asked why he’s attending a Jonas Brothers concert, he’ll brag he won them, lament he wasn’t able to sell them (never tried), and wanted something to do. What he won’t reveal is how he gave up sleep for a week, listening for the trigger song indicating it was time to call in, and repeatedly failed to be caller ten until 4am when everyone else was asleep.

Occasionally, the unemployed will be lured to their computers by TV commercials promoting some sweepstakes, like HGTV’s Green House giveaway. When all it takes is filling out a form there’s no stopping the unemployed from entering for a chance to win a house in some obscure American city, even if in reality it just means signing up for a hundred email newsletters. While online, they figure there must be other contests to sign up for, and a Google search will lead to giveaways ranging from baby bottles to cars to cash prizes. Before they know it, they’re manually filling out dozens of entry forms, scheduling the ones that can be entered daily, and putting drawing dates in the calendar just to track potential prizes.

Eventually, everything will spiral out of control when the unemployed have a stockpile of ugly clay pots they won but can’t get rid of, as well as 20 bags of kitty litter and a year’s supply of cat food – for a cat that doesn’t exist. Attempting to win free stuff becomes an addiction, and at times the winners end up having to pay taxes for prizes they didn’t even want in the first place, but entered anyway because it was free. That’s if they even win. If not, all the unemployed have to show for their time is an inbox full of spam, carpel tunnel syndrome, and blurred vision. At least the only good that can come out of it is when the unemployed start dressing up and taking care of their appearances in the off chance that Publisher’s Clearing House will storm their home to announce they’ve won a grand prize.

Tags: contests and sweepstakes, creative money making, desperate and unemployed, unemployment dreams