#59 Annoying Employed Friends While They’re At Work

One of the best ways to start a day of unemployment is to turn on the computer and chuckle at all the unfortunate souls who are online at work. While the unemployed are kicking back in their pajamas doing whatever they want (which is usually nothing more than sitting in front of the computer), those with jobs are trapped at work with deadlines and pressure to look busy enough not to get laid off.

At times, the employed’s only outlet is the internet, depending on how strict their employers are with usage. Some people have to sneak email while others can freely chat all day. Others are online but are forced to keep their status on “busy” not because they’re actually busy, but because they need to keep their unemployed friends at bay. See, the unemployed have the leeway to view everything on the internet - the acronym NSFW has no meaning to them because they have no one looking over their shoulder (unless they live at home). The general idea is if the unemployed see anything interesting, and pretty much everything is interesting when you don’t have a job, they send it off to their buddies that will appreciate it. But if the link is gross or NSFW, the unemployed will fire it off to everyone on their buddy list without time to explain what it is and without thinking about the consequences of someone opening up the link at work. 

The employed really hate it when their unemployed friends complain about being bored because they would do anything to escape their cubicles and resent the unemployed for wasting precious free time. Knowing this, the unemployed like to annoy their friends while they’re at work by constantly reaching out to them by IM, email, or phone to ask really obvious questions or strike up super trite conversations. Most aggravating is to gloat about being unemployed and say things like, “Bet you wish you weren’t trapped in the office now. I’m about to eat all the cheese samples at Whole Foods. Jealous?” All the employed want more in the world is to respond, “You make more off the government to do nothing all day while I work this stupid job, of course I’m jealous about the cheese!” but they can’t because they’re trapped at work, conversations “logged by the company” according to HR. When all they can muster is a resigned “I hate you” the unemployed celebrate with glee and a fist pump, and give that person temporary reprieve to work as they search for the next NSFW link to surprise their working friends.

Tags: annoying employed friends, things to do when unemployed, unemployment envy