#51 Being An Unemployment Resource When Friends Get Laid Off

Back when people were getting laid off in 2008 they had no one but themselves, the internet, and a very worn out stress ball to get them through the agony that is figuring out how to deal with losing a job, applying for unemployment, and figuring what to do with 40 free hours a week. Now that everyone and their mother (literally) is getting laid off there are a bunch of unofficial unemployment resource officers out there trying to feel important by helping to lead the way to free unemployment checks from the government. 

It is very likely that those who have been unemployed for several months have already helped countless friends through the unemployment process, first by teaching them how to apply for unemployment benefits online, then showing them where to find the best deal on lazy pants, and pointing them to the Full List of Stuff Unemployed People Like so they can catch up. If the laid off are former co-workers, the unemployment resource officers will congratulate them for sticking it out long enough to collect unemployment, readily advise them to make sure their shady former employer doesn’t get away with not paying them out completely, and how to contact the labor board for even the slightest violation.

When the laid off have finally received and cashed their first unemployment check, the unemployment resource officers will invite them to spend a “Day of Unemployment” together. During a “Day of Unemployment” the freshly laid off must be prepared to spend some money, as it’s not cheap to stay entertained for an entire work day if you want to do unemployment right. First, tentative plans to do anything productive must be broken when the unemployment resource officer sends an incoherent text in the late morning, usually about doing something free. Second, tentative plans to do something free must be broken when it’s determined that both the unemployment resource officer and freshly laid off are too hungry to do anything productive besides meeting up to eat. After eating, both parties are likely to suggest doing something easygoing that will allow for digestion, like watching a matinee movie or playing mini golf. When the afternoon activity is over, it’ll likely be time to get a snack, or attend happy hour, so the unemployment resource officer will guide the recently laid off to the best place to get a drink and eat from a free fried food buffet. Once drinks and food become full price, it’s time to put an end to the “Day of Unemployment” and go home too tipsy to job search but sober enough to write down how to be an unemployment resource officer when a friend gets the axe.

Tags: day of unemployment, unemployment check, unemployment resource officer