#39 Finally Having Time to “Be An Artist”

After going through the usual stages of depression, reckless drinking, and general self-destruction, the unemployed eventually hit rock bottom before trying to get their act together. Some might pour all their available energy into finding a job. Others decide finding a regular job will never be a part of their life again, vowing to finally devote themselves to being an artist.

“It’s time to let out the creative side I’ve been stifling all these years,” the unemployed tell their uninterested friends. “This is my time to shine.”

Depending on what type of art they choose to pursue, the unemployed will likely invest a good chunk of their unemployment checks into buying materials to pursue their dreams - and art doesn’t come cheap. New writers will spend hundreds on a vintage typewriter because they need to feel authentic. Wannabe musicians won’t go as far as buying legit equipment but they will justify dropping a couple thousand on a Mac so they can use Garageband to create terrible music. And art stores are flooded with naive creative folk buying expensive supplies to form pieces so ugly only real artists could pass them off as art.

By the time the unemployed commit themselves to being starving artists living off the government, they’ll not only be poor, but they’ll also realize they don’t actually have any ideas. They’ll stare at their blank canvases unable to create and desperately churn out crap just to get their parents off their back for taking over the garage because “all artists need studio space.” While they’re busy not letting their creativity flow from them, unemployed artists will devote themselves to getting the look of an artist - which is basically just an extension of unemployment (not showering) plus growing facial hair (guys) and armpit/leg hair (girls). Practicing to be pretentious is also key.

Ultimately, the unemployed will fail their pursuit of being an artist. Writers become dismayed by their unread blogs, hip hop artists are mocked (Joaquin Phoenix), and paintings are turned into kindling. In the end, the only thing the unemployed and artists have in common are self-destructive tendencies. The pursuit of art goes from creating to just plain ol’ drinking, much to the relief of friends of unemployed “artists” who no longer have to stab their eyes and ears out every time they’re asked to critique a new piece.

Tags: being an artist, Joaquin Phoenix, unemployment fail