#38 Making Up Recession Drinking Games

After weeks of making excuses to drink alone, there’s nothing better than spicing up a morning alcoholic beverage by inviting freshly laid off friends over to play drinking games. Instead of playing the usual “Never Have I Ever” types of games that were overdone in college, the unemployed can try making up games that represent their new lives of being useless and jobless thanks to the recession. 

There are many ways to achieve intoxication, and with nothing important to do, most unemployed people forego pacing themselves and try to get themselves as drunk as possible. They start screaming things like “Never have I ever: lied to receive unemployment benefits/been too lazy to shower/forgotten to budget for toilet paper and used my neighbor’s newspaper instead” just to pound their drinks. 

When “Never Have I Ever” starts to get out of control and it’s time to start a second round of drinking games, all the unemployed have to do is flip on the television to CNN, BBC, or even daytime talk shows. Every time something recession related is mentioned, which is all the time, the unemployed allow themselves to take a generous swallow. Chances are unemployed Americans will have a better chance of getting hammered during recession drinking games simply because their media tends to favor/exaggerate doom and gloom stories when not consumed by sensationalist stories (like having octuplets). 

The only downside to playing recession drinking games is having to spend so much money on alcohol. Within a half hour TV program the unemployed can easily go through a 12-pack per person. To make sure no drinking opportunities are missed, study up on the following drink-worthy words and phrases: in this economy, economic downturn, recession, global financial crisis, stimulus plan, AIG bonuses, bailouts, rising unemployment rates, layoffs, pink slips, job losses, hiring freeze, depression, falling stocks.

Once alcohol-craving unemployed folk start listening for opportunities to play recession drinking games they’ll find they can’t escape the game. It will end up consuming them. Shutting off the cable won’t help, because recession phrases are on basic television too, and are casually dropped into commercials. Even the radio isn’t safe (it is not recommended to play while driving) if the unemployed are too poor for TV. The unemployed will start dreaming about the recession and will have to start keeping a bottle of booze by the bed. Ultimately the only way the unemployed can get away from all the recession talk is to take matters into their own hands, buy a shark costume, and start attacking people in water and on land, in hopes that the media will shift their focus for a short reprieve.

Tags: drinking games, in this economy, recession, things to do when unemployed