Like it or not, Scientologists are likely to gain the upper hand “in this economy.” With so many unemployed people loitering about in public, unable to figure out what to do with their time, the Church of Scientology is telling itself “Haha! Good thing we’ve set up home base everywhere!”
The unemployed have probably largely ignored Scientology as nothing more than tabloid fodder involving Tom Cruise, the Beckhams, and the Pinkett-Smiths. However, these days the unemployed are very focused on finding free things to do. On the internet, they’d probably never search for a stress test. But when waiting for a bus, subway, or just passing by a creepily lit shop, the “Free Stress Test” sign suddenly snags their interest. And can you blame them? Who isn’t stressed about not having a job, secretly loving it, and pretending to be sad about being unemployed when really they’re just living the high life, walking the streets looking for free food samples at every shop?
When the unassuming “Free Stress Test” catches the unemployed eye, the jobless figure it’s not like they have anything better to do, so they take the test to kill some time. The E-Meter has seduced from afar for so many years, and the unemployed are secretly curious to find out if they can beat the test and walk away unscathed. Scientologists are smarter than that though. They’ve programmed the E-Meter to beep alien noises after every question, causing alarm in the test taker. At the end, they’re quick to inform the unemployed that there are things they need help with, and visits with the Church are imperative to fix their problems. Then they try to pawn off reading material in exchange for a small donation. Like any vulnerable person, the unemployed might actually go for the reading material because they want to get better, but they also just want something amusing to read. After reaching into their pocket for a small donation and bringing out a couple dollars, the Scientologists shoo them away. They’re desperate for converts, but even they don’t want poor ones. So the unemployed are ditched and have no choice but to continue to live their lives without alien influence, poor, and happy to go back to getting free samples.
Tags: free stress test, free stuff, in this economy, Scientology, Unemployed Activities
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Anything free looks attractive when you’re unemployed – even freaky Scientology tests. I became a big fan of the Costco free samples.
lmao anything does look awesome when you have nothing in your pocket omg btw i love these blogs they’re very helpful for my project!