best-things-in-life-are-free-when-unemployed-fortune-cookieThough it might be a rare event, eventually there comes a time when unemployed people finally feel the need to get out of their house and do something besides popping in to the grocery store in lazy pants. Like anything, unemployment has its ups and downs, and there’s always a need to be prepared for an up day. 

When jobless people finally feel brave enough to venture out “in this economy” they’ll want to make sure they’re doing something worthy so they can silence the people who have been urging them to “get out of the house and get some sun.” So on one of the down, stay-at-home hermit days, the unemployed will search on the internet for free (or cheap) things to potentially do and jot them down. If the unemployed are lucky enough to pay high rent or mortgages because they live in a big city, chances are the city will “reward” them back by offering free days at several venues ranging from museums to more museums. But podunk folk need not worry, a quick internet search might yield plenty of results for free activities such as live music at the local watering hole or free bullets for a squirrel hunt (gun not provided). 

Once a decent list of free stuff unemployed people should do has been compiled, the unemployed might realize it’s too scary a world out there to brave the challenge alone. So they might reach out to their other jobless friends (who doesn’t have a few handy?) and convince them to visit a museum together. “But I don’t like art.” “Hey, I don’t like being cultured either, but it’s free and if people from out-of-town ever visit we can always tell them not to bother dragging us there because we’ve been and it’s not worth the entrance fee.”

As the unemployed friends text each other from their respective beds, a plan to get out of the house formulates, and both start getting excited at the prospect of seeing daylight. Though once they start figuring out the logistics of getting their acts together, they might feel tempted to crawl under the covers again. On an up day, they’ll actually get to the free event, and agree that it wasn’t half bad since it was free. On a down day, they might skip the goal of getting to a museum and settle on a day of unemployment consisting of eating, drinking, catching a matinee buzzed, and then going to happy hour. When they finally total up the day’s costs, they’ll drunkenly vow to each other that next time, they’ll do one of the free activities, but pass out happy to have had a fun day on the government.

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4 Responses to “#34 Scouring the Internet for Free Things to Do”

  1. I often have ambitious plans to leave the house on my in-days only to spend the whole day inside until my girlfried comes home.

  2. Keri says:

    Ha! Your “lazy pants” I call “house pants” and write up a whole brief on the different levels – some of which can be taken for walks outside the house, some that should stay inside. It’s nice to find other people who can make fun of themselves during unemployment! Thanks for the laugh!

  3. Rita Burrows says:

    ike I am doing right now!!

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