#27 Avoiding Cold and Flu Season

Unemployed people already get the chills looking at their unbathed-selves in the mirror, so the last thing they need is to feel more aches and pains brought on by a cold or the flu. However, along with avoiding social interaction and missing once-copious paychecks, the unemployed have also been dodging cold and flu season simply by shutting themselves in.

When employed, the biggest enemy of the working world was that jerk who would show up at work sneezing and coughing up a storm all over common areas. You all know that guy who covered up a big sneeze followed by a loud “WHEW!” and then proceeded to touch the copy machine or every single door handle, thereby spreading germs everywhere. Of course, “in this economy,” everyone is afraid to skip work due to illness, so viruses are spreading like wildfire amongst office workers. 

Thankfully, the unemployed don’t have to neurotically pop vitamins or down Airborne to stave off sickness. Because they stay indoors all day, sleeping, eating and unwilling to get dressed to go out, they miss out on all sorts of opportunities to pick up the cold or flu whilst boosting their immune system. Shopping carts go untouched, public bathrooms are no longer an obstacle when there’s no garbage can close enough to toss a paper towel into after using it to to open the door. And, of course, they don’t have sick coworkers to deal with who can’t understand the concept of staying home and sparing the healthy. The unemployed remember getting hit with the flu one or two times last year, and how much it made them want to die. So they’re doing their best to steer clear of getting sick again this cold and flu season, even if it’s an involuntary response to unemployment depression.

Tags: avoiding human interaction, cold and flu, staying shut in