Remember when Sunday nights were filled with dreading having to wake up for work on Monday? Imagine the pain an unemployed person’s boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or cat must feel when he/she has to wake at some ungodly hour while SOMEBODY gets to sleep in until whenever.
There’s something delightfully evil in knowing that those days of feeling stress and anxiety about returning to a thankless cubicle to start another work week are a distant memory of the employed past.
In the beginning, the freshly laid off are likely to get some slack from their mates because there is a mourning period when one loses their job. After a month of moping around in pajamas and staying in bed all day, the sympathy wears thin as the significant other starts to resent having to wake up while it’s still dark out instead of getting to sleep. Blankets suddenly get pulled back too far, letting the cold rush in, closet doors and drawers get slammed, and bathroom fans are left on just a minute too long. If it’s an extra sassy morning, hangers might be knocked to swish back and forth on the rod, one too many courtesy flushes might occur, or a sudden smoothie craving might require whipping out the blender to chop up ice. All these actions are done passive aggressively to disturb the unemployed’s slumber just long enough to make it difficult to go back to sleep.
Whatever annoyance that might be felt when woken is negated by the glee of knowing once the front door closes, endless sleep is to be had once again. Even if it’s impossible to fall back asleep immediately, it can and will happen at any given time during the eight hours the significant other is struggling to stay awake at work. Smiling during sleep is a common phenomenon spreading amongst the unemployed.
Of course there has to be a careful mix of gloating about getting to sleep in and taking steps to avoid being kicked out. Always make sure to wake up long enough to “feel their pain” and offer a lazy hug with a bad breathed kiss along with some gentle encouragement like “Have a great day at work” or “I’ll dream of you once I fall back asleep as you battle through the morning traffic!” It’s enough to keep any relationship intact.
Tags: issues with employed significant other, joy of being unemployed, sleeping in
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instead of gathering my work clothes and laying them out nicely in the living room the previous day, i purposely make multiple morning trips into the bedroom to annoy my laid-off sleeping beauty. “oops, forgot to get my bra.” “sorry, forgot socks this time.” “oops, need to get a different colored belt.” i won’t turn on the bedroom light, but i’ll open the door just wide enough so the light from the hallway hits her face.
*guffaw*
after 84 days (and counting), my man is still polite and sweet making sure he’s quite in the mornings.
My husband and dogs are sound asleep in bed when I leave for work. My dog growled at me when I turned on the light. I said “F you btiches”
F U!