When people are freshly laid off one of the activities they engage in is figuring out sacrifices that must be made to make ends meet. Unfortunately, personal hygiene inevitably becomes one of the first to go not because of worries of using too much water or soap, but because they’re unemployed, and they have no places to go and no people to see. Formerly clean shaven and dressed to impress, the unemployed quickly take to skipping showers, leaving greasy hair uncombed, hairs unshaved, and breaking out with preventable blemishes. Deodorant becomes optional, but is usually ignored because it is assumed one cannot smell if inactive (false).
It begins with waking up the Saturday after being let go, which coincides with weekend shower slacking, and pushing back showering until after breakfast, and then after lunch, and then after going out – but never making it out, and then after dinner until it gets to the point when they might as well shower the next day because they didn’t do anything anyway. By this point, their last shower was 36 hours ago which is “no big deal” because they’ve gone without showering when traveling or camping. When Sunday hits, the pattern repeats, and by Monday it’s not like they have to get up and get ready for work. It’s not until Monday evening, maybe, when a friend might interrupt an intense Halo 3 mission (played with a once white but now grimy controller) to invite the dirtbag out for an impromptu drink that it suddenly becomes imperative to shower. Try explaining “Yeah, I’ll be there. I just have to get dressed” and showing up several hours later because everything had to be shampooed, soaped, clipped, plucked, shaved and brushed at least twice.
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This is also another truth. I actually spent Monday through Thursday inside. Coming up with an excuse for every day as why i couldn’t go out. The first few days I simply didn’t shower. Day two I changed outfits. By Wednesday the boyfriend made a comment on my unshaven legs (so I had to pretend that was a slight oversight). By Thursday I had to muster myself to get outta bed by 4pm…..after all my Jerry Springer. All I have been wearing for 5 months is pajamas and sweats…..tried to put on a pair of jeans. Split those from front to back. Stepped on the scale to see I had gained over 15 lbs. Then battled with the idea of buying new clothes or to exercise later. Knwoing that wasn’t going to happen I found my fanciest lounge pants and blamed my dress on it still being the weekday as Iistened to the boyfriend tease me about being a bum (which has worn off on him as he is not shaving).
To My Perspective -
Hey, don’t worry about complaining! I think we’re all in this same boat with you, and yeah, it sucks!
Holy crap, my best friend and I both got fired at the same time. She could not understand why I was so proud of myself for showering today. Now I have proof that I am not weird…she will one day feel the same.
Thank you!
I can totally relate to all of this, my husband gave me a lecture on showering recently and I was shocked that I have let myself go this far;and, showering doesn’t seem that important anymore. I guess I’m going to shower now just because I don’t want my husband to think I am getting gross!
My boyfriend recently started teasing me about this issue of mine. I have to find a really good excuse to shower, and it’s usually because my Mom is coming over to see me.
Thank god for Mom.
Thank God for this blog. I’m living with my parents in the mountains–about 3 hours from my old college hangout and an hour from my boyfriend. I showered yesterday but didn’t wash my hair for some reason. I changed from one pair of pajamas directly into another (which I’m still wearing at 9pm the next day). I can’t remember the last time I even put on a bra. Somehow I can rationalize all of this in my head–usually it’s “If I stop to take a shower, that’s one less job application I’ll get out.” I’ve been looking since November 2008, so perhaps I need a different strategy that involves more personal grooming. Anyway, thanks again for this blog. It definitely helps me feel better knowing that there are others out there who can relate.
God, so true. I’m 22 and just moved home last month- showering is a huge accomplishment at this point. My life atm consists of the internet and the only exercise I’ve had in 6 weeks is walking from the tv to the fridge. Cross your fingers that a job comes along soon.
Looking for a reason to my pitiful existence and to whats wrong with me, I came across this web page. So I am replying hoping someone else can relate to whatever my problem might be? I am male and have always taken great pride in my appearance and hygiene. Over the past year things have taken a terrible turn. I noticed that I was starting to shower and groom less and less per week. I found myself thinking in a manner that I do not understand? First it started with “okay I will get in the shower by, lets say 3pm.” Then as that time passed I would just keep finding reasons not to even bother. I am now to the point that I have not showered or groomed for almost 2 months, I refuse to leave my Apt. Because I do not want to be seen, but I think if I were clean I would love to get out of here. So as I think again about showering and grooming, the list in my head starts. The list as I call it is running thru every detail of what needs to be accomplished to get my hygiene back in shape, and the more I think the more I become almost panic stricken, and as always the panic, manic mind wins. I feel disgusting and gross. This is not me, but I do not know what to do? I do not know what is wrong with me. I know I need to shower desperately, but just can not.
Anyone else in this cyber world experiencing anything like this?
Because I feel totally alone and desperate, like I am the only one in this world going thru this. Any comments from anyone experiencing this type of syndrome, or someone who has conquered this type of debilitating problem would be a big help.
At least I will know I am not alone.
Dear Who am I,
I got tired of wallowing in my pathetic unemployed existence and came across this blog.
Dear Who am I?, Please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE…I have and still struggle with an almost identical problem. Not showering or grooming became so difficult to me that I would just stay in bed (unless I had to pee, poo or eat!). We are in the same boat which is in the sea of shit!
I was staring at the wall in my bedroom and I noticed two worthless college diplomas. I have them but they haven’t been able to get me a job! One of them is a Master’s in Psychology; I am by training, a psychotherapist.
This problem that you and I have can be explained and is not in any way a direct result of personal defects of anything like that, you and I and many others have come to this as a result of our unemployment.
Here are the basics:
First, when we lose our jobs, we lose routines. Routines that keep up doing things like showering. Habits are very powerful forces that keep up doing things like showering. Remove the habit (having to go to work) the other habits can fall away too and leave people feeling like they are taking crazy pills!
Second, the longer you put off doing something, the harder it will be to do it.
Third, behaviorally you have repeatedly not showered for a long time and mentally, you have had thoughts associated with not wanting to shower. You have essentially rehearsed these patterns many times and making a change to them would throw you off; this is why you feel panic at the thought of all the tasks involved in showering and grooming.
Fourth, all these things paired with feeling depressed keeps people isolated by not leaving the house and thinking things like “what’s the point” and other negative thoughts that erode self concept, self confidence and self efficacy (our belief that we can do something; like shower). When crisis hits, like a job loss lots of people find themselves suddenly struggling with intense feelings just like these.
Taking action, any action, start small will be hard but braking this new habit that has been reinforced will help ease your panic.
I started by just getting myself to take my first shower. This was very difficult but once I did this, it was a break in the reinforcement of my previous behavior of avoiding showering. This made me feel a morsel better and made me realize that if I can just get myself in the shower this time, I could do it again tomorrow…And maybe everyday… I had to start somewhere. Once I got my self to shower at least once a day, I started adding other things like doing my hair and makeup.
Some people like me, will not shower unless they have to be somewhere. I started making myself do things; even if it meant getting up showering and going to the library for part of my day and working on my resume or whatever.
It’s also very important you have someone to support you through this.
I know it’s been a while since you posted your message but, I hope this reply reaches you.
Dear Who Am I, It’s been a while since your post, so I hope
that you read this: You are not alone!!!!!! I have been showering
less and less frequently for about a year now. It started out as
showering every other day, but at least washing face/hands and
brushing teeth and applying makeup. Then I let go of the makeup,
thinking “why bother?”. Here in the past couple of months, I’m
starting to go two and three days without showering and leaving the
house less and less often. I feel like I’m sucked into this
downward spiral that I can’t seem to get out of…….Please know
that you are not alone in your struggles! To the person who replied
to “Who Am I”, thank you for providing those tips to get back on
track; I am definitely going to be giving them a try!
This is exactly what I’ve been going through since I was
layed off 2 1/2 years ago. At first, I enrolled in a full time
Mon-Fri class to keep some structure in my life, but after that
ended, I tried to go to night classes & study during the
day. I hate when I get a call from a company that seems interested,
but they don’t hire me. It makes me mad that I had to shower
& groom for them so they could waste MY time – the hell w/
their time!
Hmmm…I’m thankful to find that I’m not the only one without a job.
I suffer from clinical depression, but I still manage to shower on a daily basis.
However, it takes a lot of effort to do anything lately because my depression has steadily worsened over the last few years.
I wash my hair once a week because curly hair tends to be very dry and it doesn’t need to be washed more often than that. But daily showers are a necessity, especially when you live in the South.
My days tend to be like this…wake up and realize how hopeless life is. Observe my husband preparing to leave for work. Say goodbye. Lie down in bed while listening to music and surfing on my iPad. Eat a bowl of cereal. Worry about what my next meal will be. Sit in front of the computer for several hours at a time. Worry about my future. Collapse into a deeper state of depression because I know that the cycle will repeat itself.
Sometimes I literally have to force myself to move. I tell myself that I need to get up and shower. I skipped a shower twice this week, but that’s rare because I’m a hygiene nut.
I’ve pretty much become reclusive. I stayed at home today. I didn’t see anyone. The only people I talk to are my mother and my husband. I’ve gained about 60 lbs.
I shower because it’s the only way I can feel somewhat better, even if I don’t plan to do anything else. I’ve given up on the hope of ever finding a decent job, despite my Bachelor’s degree. I have very little real work experience at 27 years old and I’m just utterly overwhelmed by life.
My husband says that I need to start somewhere, which is true, but it is very difficult to find a job in this economy. I also can’t handle the constant stress of dealing with people. I don’t know what kind of job I could possibly get at this point. I have no desire to work in retail or customer service because my anxiety level is high. A quiet, low-key job would be ideal but those are rare these days. I would love to work from home because I could sit around in my pj’s and I wouldn’t have to interact with rude customers or nasty bosses/coworkers.
I know it sounds bad and like I’m really lazy, but I’m not. I still try to shower and keep up my appearance although I’m not actively looking for a job at this time.
I can definitely relate to “Who Am I”. Yes, it is a struggle to be presentable, with all that it entails. If I’m going out, I have to force myself to shower and comb my hair and find clean clothes. I have to apply mascara. I have to make sure that I don’t look like a trainwreck before leaving my apartment.
Unemployment gives you a lot of free time, but it isn’t all fun. I get annoyed with people who have jobs and they think that all unemployed people are simply lazy bums who are content with doing nothing. If only they could walk in our shoes.
Sure, I can sleep as late as I want to, I can watch TV, I can surf the Internet…but I also never have enough money for the things I need/want. I depend on my husband for an allowance like a child. I had a minor accident with my car the other day. I can’t find a job in this godforsaken city because you need to either be fluent in Spanish, have the right connections, or look like a freaking Barbie doll if you want to be hired anywhere.
Sorry to complain but this sucks.
BTW…this site rocks.
I never knew that this existed. I just want to thank you for creating a place for us unemployed folks to share how we deal with this.