Every office has a Nervous Nancy who always fears the worst will happen no matter what the scenario may be. With the steady stream of recent lay-offs, can you blame her for postulating who is the likeliest candidate to snap “in these difficult economic times”? A Nervous Nancy will needlessly fret about Tom (wears mismatching socks), Dick (has four redheaded kids), and Jane (has a lazy eye) coming back to shoot up the office despite them being otherwise upstanding citizens.
As the company spirals towards bankruptcy one might get tired of the endless conspiracy theories Nervous Nancy conjures up, to the point when it becomes a relief to receive a pink slip, just to escape the ridiculous reasons so and so are sure to return with a vengeance.
One way to stave off unemployment boredom is to hatch a plan to mislead Nervous Nancy into thinking you’re going postal. First, go crosstown to the after-work drinking hole, and have an uncharacteristic drink (something blue with an umbrella if scotch is the norm) at an adjacent booth ignoring all former co-workers except to occasionally give Nervous Nancy a hard stare. Second, draw out a series of doodles and loudly declare “I’ll see you guys at the office Monday so I can take care of some unfinished business” which is to hand in your COBRA application and payment, but Nervous Nancy need not know that. Third, leave the bar, unlock the mailbox you’ve ripped up out of your lawn from the bike rack, stand in plain sight of Nervous Nancy, take a few practice swings and then drag the mailbox along the concrete - the more sparks that are generated the better. Rinse and repeat as needed (whenever COBRA payments are due) until you’ve found better ways to kill time.
Tags: going postal, pranks, scaring co-workers
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